Archivo de la categoría: Otros

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el valor del tiempo del retiro…

Estándar

Es todo tan relativo que me preguntaba sobre los tiempos del retiro…

¿Cuánto tiempo es suficiente tiempo para retirarse y volver después?

¿o es que se asume que es algo definitivo el retiro?

No sé si la intención de la palabra fue así, lacónica y primitiva

cortante

no lo sé…

tengo días preguntándome…

Y es que dicen que el tiempo sana, permea, olvida

solo ocurre que,

hay momentos, relaciones y frases que no sanan, no permean y no se olvidan.

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Minientrada

Meses de no escribir y la necesidad de hacer catarsis es imperante. Es un hábito. Es un vicio, una agradable dependencia. Y vuelvo a vaciar ideas y pensamientos donde la mente no se detiene. He vuelto al ruedo. Lo necesito!

Es verdad que la costumbre…

A los cuarenta…

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Ya no sé qué hacer conmigo

Parece como hecho a propósito pero ahora todo  parece ser más claro y real: todo es verdad. La crisis de la edad media, por el amor de Dios, existe! y estoy justo en el punto preciso de estar sobre ella, en ella, a través de ella, bajo su influencia, pero no me pasa de largo, eso sí, no.

Evalúo las decisiones de mi vida, que de ser sincera no han sido del todo erradas. Pero me pesa tanto cargar con esta depresión, con este malestar y no saber qué origina mi infelicidad…

Y a los cuarenta, ya hice de todo lo que la gente normal hace… busqué a Dios, lo negué, bajé de peso y volví a subirlo, me casé, me cuesta más divorciarme, reprobé hasta la madre y estudié hasta la madre, fui madre, soy madre, juego el rol del trabajo y a veces me pierdo.

Quisiera decir que soy feliz… y lo soy de vez en vez, pero en lo general, levantarme de la cama, me está costando mucho trabajo.

Extraño mucho mis momentos de juventud, y más me duele que no volverán. Y siento que me perdí en esos momentos y que todo lo que hice ha sido para darle gusto a toda la gente y hacer como que soy una persona normal.

Lo más gracioso es que no me ven como una persona normal. Ni siquiera mi familia.

Me esforcé en ser diferente, pero no quería ser “diferente”. Quería ser yo… y ahora, no me encuentro por ningún lado.

Alguna vez escuché la palabra “autosabotaje”.

Yo soy una gurú, una master, una experta en darme en la madre.

Todo eso, a los cuarenta… no quiero llegar a los cincuenta. No así, por lo menos.

Cita

Estar contigo o no estar contigo es la medida de mi tiempo.

Jorge Luis Borges

 

Y es que el tiempo que pasa entre un momento y otro no es el mismo cuando los momentos son contigo y cuando en los momentos no estás tú. Entonces, en ese momento mi ser se va contigo y mi cuerpo mantiene latidos artificiales.

Estar contigo …

Success, I beg to differ

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8fact-lying - success

(Photolink: https://www.facebook.com/8fact/photos_stream)

I have always questioned myself about everything. I suppose this is because of my father, a very critical and objective man, not necessarily unbiased, who needed to be like St. Thomas, “no see, no believe”; contrary my mom incredible devoted woman, a true believer and profoundly faithful to religion, even though my dad eventually goes to church and maybe the pain and the kicks in life really converted him into praying with mom’s help… happens to be that I’m right in the middle of what now I know is an epistemical debate.

Or maybe because I studied my ass-off and filled my brain with so much information or because I have a “partner-in-life” who is a drop-out seminarist, that well, questions in life become more critical and judgemental as I question myself right now: Who holds the Truth?

Science and philosophy have been both an important part of the way I think, but let me tell you, is very tricky when I try to see the world in order to understand things and try to make out my mind.

All the knowledge I hold (not so much, by the way…) has been based on a occidental sight. All books at school I’ve read are charged with this cold, analytic and particularizing view of the concepts made by men -or some, at least- but, it has not fulfilled me at all. The more I learn in this way, the more I get confused, and the less I can answer to real meaning of life, and of course, a human being’s meaning of existance, including mine.

I discovered that there are lacks between knowledge and wisdom. Now I know that the sight of our own world is made of individual perceptions, which makes so much more complicated to pick a side of the story.

And there’s a challenge too, when you have a gift of God that has been given to you as a very unique treasure to love and to care, like my beautiful daughter.

I believe we are integral humans being, I believe that values as integrity, honesty, dignity, love and caring are crucial to be better as persons, but I still regard it all has to be based on the objetive fact. And there’s the trick and the doubt: science cannot explain everything, but faith if not strong, is useless.

When I saw this “8fact” about lying, it reminded me that I am not as succesful as occident defines it; certainly, it has been because I have been critical and judgemental (and not diplomatical at all) about the systems I’ve worked in, and how “image” and some kind of “loyalty to the system” (for some people, at least) are more important that facts and truth, themselves.

I have values, but they don’t seem to be the ones requiered to be successful in a competitive world. How, then, can I say we have built a better world for our children based on this parameters?

My parents teached, guided and enlightened us to be truthful to the fact, to our beliefs and to ourselves, and, I pretend to guide my daughter by the same path. And, maybe, she won’t be as ‘successful’ as the capitalist world expects to be, but, if she’s at least as happy as I am, I will be able to say: I succeeded.

Why Men Cheat

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Testosterone? Really? Action films? That’s the excuse?
Well, let me tell you, women feel too!
What an inspiring blog I’ve found! and What a theme Scott!
http://gnosticbent.wordpress.com/2012/08/05/why-men-cheat/
True. Men can cheat, so can women. It’s true, there’s no excuse even though paulrothbart says in most extremely case, which I wonder, what case scenario would that be… we cannot deny that there has to be some sort of emptyness and we all try to fill it in.
And I really agree with the ego part. Some insecurities, or the very reafirmation of ourselves, all those needs not covered. Temptation? everybody, everywhere. But someday discussing this with a man, he told me: why do you blame at us, men, for cheating?, It takes two, you know? And sadly, he’s right.
But the reasons of each gender still remain different.
In most cases, men cheat because they feel they need to, maybe. Like the testosterone making a call. Well, I don’t konw if i can pass that but I will give you a reasonable doubt.
I don’t agree with those men who think they need to prove their manhood by getting laid with every skirt they see. It’s disgusting. And I’m from a latinamerican country, so that’s plenty to say (it’s kind of silly knowing how the are proud and make such a deal with it like they we’re heroes, those poor and stupid men, jejeje-). I think those are one kind of cheaters. Poor women who don’t pick well! Because I think men like them must show some highlights in their behavior. A very brutal and incstintive one.
So, down boy…
But, let me tell you, we are all bitches, too. We know we can punish our guys by not having sex whenever we feel something isn’t quite right or, is it in dispite, maybe? or because we want to get something from you, guys! Or simply because we don’t feel like it… very different need from yours… And, yes, we manipulate, a lot. And yes, sometimes you’re too blind to notice… But there’s a trick, evetually, we could become the last push on their infidelity.
So, women, if we take care of our guys, less probable they cheat.
On the contrary, women cheat because there’s an emotional emptyness, and we always are looking for some emotional connection, when we feel the abandonement: lack of comunication, lack of tenderness, even the lost feeling of each other attraction, and the f**ing stress! Both, yours and ours.
I guess the problem of both perspectives could be in the reasons. And the worst of them is when you cheat or been cheated because of the emotional part. And much further, emotional cheating could be worst than anything.

(No credits found. http://www.examiner.com/article/emotional-or-physical-cheating-which-is-worse, no copyright infringement intended)
Because it involves some very complicated feelings and, uff!, those are really hard to avoid. Like snow ball effect…
I won’t say if I cheated or not. That’s not the case… best case scenario, I write a blog!

gnostic bent

Before I tackle such a potentially incendiary issue, let me preface this article by saying that I am not a relationship expert, rarely—if ever—get involved in people’s personal lives and don’t even put much stock in Dr. Phil, who in my opinion gets paid big bucks to give common sense advice—fortunately, the general lack of common sense out there in the world makes the good doctor highly marketable. I cannot speak on behalf of all men—as if that would even interest me in the slightest—and everything I mention should be taken with a sizable grain of salt.

That being said, I should also mention that yes, I have cheated on a girlfriend before. And yes, I’ve had a girlfriend cheat on me. So I feel like I have at least some experience with the subject and thus, also have something to offer. Whether my points are truly valid or…

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